A Series of Ninja Oneshots
by Dragonrider7
Summary: Okay I'll admit it Snake Eyes is my fave. He's awesome. Just a collection of oneshots about everyone's faveorite Ninja. After all who wouldn't like Snake Eyes? Well anyone besides all those on Cobra's side that is.
1. Midnight Depression Cures

**This is very annoying. I have writer's block for ALL my stories but will not give them up! I have also discovered that if I write on something else many ideas come to me on my blocked stories. So for now this shall remain a oneshot unless you want me to continue it, heck this might just wind to be my unblocker story. Either way I hope you like and review anyway. Reviews get me excited!**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Disclaimer: Don't own anyone but hey, I can dream can't I???

Midnight Depression Cures

Scarlet sighed once more as she held tears back. She didn't know why she was so sad tonight but she was and she was so close to crying it was ridiculous. She couldn't cry! Not in front of the guys. Not if she wanted to maintain her image and reputation. She had been depressed all day long and also knew that she hadn't done a very good job of hiding it. She had gotten many concerned glances throughout the day from various members of G I Joe.

She was currently sitting in the lounge reading a very good book. The Dragonriders of Pern. Old but good. It used to be her mother's but it was given to her for her birthday when she was sixteen. She had taken very good care of it and it was in near mint condition.

"I've been trying to cheer her up all day. Nothing's worked." Ripcord complained to Duke.

"Well sometimes girls are like that." Duke replied as he stole a glance at Scarlet. "Or maybe your just going about it all wrong."

Everyone was doing their own thing in the lounge. Just relaxing and loosening up before they hit the hay. Duke and Ripcord were playing a game of checkers, while Heavy Duty relaxed on the couch watching wrestling, and Snake Eyes meditated in the corner.

"I've never seen her so down Duke." Ripcord whispered again.

"Well I sure don't know what to do. Why are you asking me?!"

Scarlet let loose another quiet sigh and accidentally let a tear slip down her face and fall through the air. But it was caught before it reached the pages of her cherished book. A single glistening teardrop shone brightly on a black gloved hand before being wiped away by another. She looked up to see the masked face of Snake Eyes but you could tell he bore a soft expression beneath the visor.

He reached down and closed the book in her hands, placing it on the table beside her, and clasping her hands tenderly in his. He tilted his head to the side as he gazed into her eyes as if to ask 'what's wrong?'

"Hey check it out." Duke smiled as he tapped Heavy Duty on the elbow.

Heavy Duty turned around and a smile graced his features as well as he caught sight of the two.

"Well it's about time Snakes." He muttered beneath his grin.

Ripcord growled lowly as he watched the scene.

"What's the matter Rip? Can't take the competition?" Duke teased.

"Hey come on he may be a tough, hardcore, ninja but every girl needs what I've got."

"Dare I ask?"

"A sense of humor."

"I'm sorry I should go to bed." Scarlet said as she stood, but Snake Eyes was having none of that.

He yanked up her book before she had the time to grab it and smiled mischievously beneath his mask.

"Snakes come on I'm not in the mood give me my book."

He simply turned and walked out of lounge, book held behind his back to lure Scarlet into following him. She took the bait and walked out of the lounge after him.

"Oh I have to see how this turns out." Heavy Duty said as he switched off the television and got up.

Everyone else followed in suite. As they exited the lounge themselves they saw Scarlet catch the door to the kitchen before it swung shut.

Everyone else was in bed, save for those few who had the night shifts for guard duty.

"Come on we should probably leave them be." Duke whispered as the trio approached the kitchen.

"Ssshhhhh!" Both HD and Ripcord hissed as they grabbed the door handle.

Inside Scarlet had cornered Snake Eyes, who still had the book behind his back, and was demanding he give it to her. He shook his head no before he flipped over her. He then pulled out a chair and motioned for her to sit.

"Snake Eyes please I'm tired." She lied, she just wanted to be alone right now.

He turned and stared at her, leaning back against the counter as he did so. His way of saying 'oh you are a liar.' He pointed to the chair again as he put her book on one of the higher shelves. She sighed as she sat down. She watched him as he placed a CD in the player, that had mysteriously wound up in the kitchen, and pulled out a large mixing bowl. He grabbed the flour jar as the music started but paused for a moment after pouring it in.

He turned suddenly and dabbed his finder against her nose, leaving a white smear of flour. He smiled beneath his mask as a puzzled look came across her face and turned back to counter.

"You're handling flour with black gloves on?" She questioned.

He paused and glanced down and glanced down at his hands before turning and shrugging his shoulders.

"Take them off Snakes."

He rolled his eyes beneath the mask before complying and removing his black gloves. Another mischievous grin flashed across his face beneath the mask as he looked at the flour covered gloves. He rolled each one into a ball and then clapped them together above Scarlet's head as she turned around. He then quickly whizzed back around, pretending to be concentrating on the mixing bowl, that still only contained flour.

She glared at him as he rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a liquid measuring cup.

"I think she's in good hands." HD whispered as he backed away.

Duke nodded as he backed away as well. He glanced back to see Ripcord still peeking in the kitchen door.

"Come on Rip. We have a game of checkers to finish."

Ripcord sighed as he gently shut the kitchen door and walked towards Duke.

"Do you know if Covergirl is available?"

"Oh what ever happened to the ladies need what I've got? Can't beat the competition?"

"No I probably could. But I don't want to break that up. I don't know what's cheering her up more. That Snakes is baking, he's got flour on his nose, over his mask, or the fact that he has all those Weird Al songs memorized."

"Wait, Snakes listens to Weird Al?"

"Apparently."

The two walked back to the lounge when an evil plot came into their minds and they dashed ahead to get HD in on the action.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sound of laughter echoed through the kitchen as Weird Al's "One of Those Days" played over the stereo. Scarlet couldn't help but laugh at Snake's antics. She had no idea the guy could be this much fun.

He had turned over the mixing of the cookie dough over to her and he was greasing the sheet, preheating the oven, and setting out the cooling rack while mouthing the words.

_The Nazis tied me up and covered me with ants,_

_And I spilled toxic waste on my brand new pants!_

He slapped his legs as the latter line came across. She was busting at the seams. This was hilarious. He suddenly yanked her out of her chair and started dancing with her around the middle counter. She couldn't stop laughing. Of all the people to get her to laugh she never once thought it would be Snake Eyes.

_The FBI has got a tab on my phone,_

_Those darn Russian spies won't leave me alone,_

_Shouldn't have got up this morning should've known._

_It's just one of those days!_

_It's just one of those days!_

_A 747 crashed into my den,_

_And there's nothing but tater tots for dinner again!_

_It's just one of those days!_

_Never mind it's just one of those days._

_Big steam roller just ran over my mom,_

_And I cut myself shaving, _

_And they're dropping the bomb!_

_It's just one of those days!_

He let her go and began rolling the dough into balls and placing them on the sheet. She sat down, foot still tapping to the music as she watched his hands.

"You have very girly hands." She teased.

He looked up at her and crossed his arms.

"Well it's true!"

He looked down at his hands and sighed in defeat. Upon looking for the first time he noticed the long fingers and closely filed nails. He gave her a pouty look beneath his mask.

"Here have some cookie dough." She smiled as she handed him a small clump of the dough with lots of chocolate chips.

As a response he held up his hands that were covered in cookie dough.

"Ahhh yes but no chocolate chips."

He then smeared the sticky dough on her face and flipped over the counter as a new song began to play.

_Hey everyone listen up,_

_Your attention if you please._

_Really wanna give you a warning,_

_Cause I found out this morning_

_Bout a hideous insidious computer virus._

_If you should get an E-mail with the subject stinky cheese,_

_Better not go taking you chances,_

_Under no circumstances,_

_Should you open it._

_Or else it will,_

_Translate your documents into Swahili,_

_Make your TV record "Gili",_

_Neuter you pets and give you laundry static cling._

Scarlet gave up the fight simply to listen to the song. Snake Eyes took the chance to put the cookies into the preheated oven and listen as well.

"That's some virus." She said as the song ended.

Snake Eyes nodded as he checked on the cookies in the oven. To her amusement he put on a pair of flowery oven mitts. She couldn't hold in her laughter and fell out of her chair in hysterics. He gave her a strange look as he placed the cookies on top of the stove and took off the oven mitts.

"Pretty little flowers. Nice style choice Snakes. I had no idea you were so sensitive. You're more girly than me!!"

At this he shoved a fresh cookie into her mouth and leaned back. She gave him a thumbs up as she took a bite. She stood up and cornered him by the stove, the cookie still in her hands.

"We need one more vote for these to be perfect Snakes."

He stiffened slightly as she rolled up his mask just enough to expose his mouth, and pushed the rest of the cookie past his lips.

"Well?" She asked, still in pretty close range.

He gave her a thumbs up smiling as he did so. Only then did the two become aware of how close they were. They stared at each other while subconsciously moving closer. It was only a matter of time before their lips connected in a long awaited kiss. Snake Eyes allowed his arms to wrap around her and pull her closer. She wrapped her arms around him in return.

It was amazing but of course moments like this never last in the G I Joe base. Especially when the ninja is involved.

Snake Eyes stiffened as he caught the sound of a long string of clicks. He broke off the kiss in time to see Heavy Duty, Duke, Ripcord, and Breaker. Breaker holding a camera. Their eyes grew wide as they realized that they had been caught and they bolted.

Snake Eyes took off after them with the jar of flour in his hands. As soon as he was out the door A crash echoed through the base followed by various shouts. Scarlet ran out to find the rest of her teammates tossing a camera around in an extreme game of keep-away from Snake Eyes. Heavy Duty was covered in flour as was Snake Eyes.

General Hawk opened the door to his office and looked out into the main foyer as shouts reached his ears. He looked over the metal railing and immediately felt a headache coming on. Beneath him was his team of Joes in an epic battle over a camera against Snake Eyes and Scarlet, For some reason Snake Eyes and Heavy Duty were covered in flour, Scarlet had a smear on her nose and feathers on her face held on by cookie dough. He sighed when a crash echoed through the base as Snake Eyes tackled Duke to the ground, successfully retrieving the camera and taking the film out, effectively ruining the entire roll.

A very loud 'awwwwww' echoed soon after from everyone else. He walked back into his office muttering something about ten years until retirement.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Yes! It worked. Unfortunately it is now five in the morning and my dad's gonna be getting up for work! Gotta go before he catches me!! Toodles.**


	2. The List

**This time I am simply updating this because I'm bored. I pulled an all-nighter a couple of days,ago and updated on nearly all of my other stories so I'm feeling pretty good. You guys enjoyed the last one so I shall try to make this one just as good. Keep in mind that this will probably never be completed as there are endless situation I can put Snake Eyes in. R&R please.**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Disclaimer: Don't own anyone in the G I Joe universe.

The List

It was just his luck. There had to be an attack on the base and the attacker just had to set up some sort of a bomb....right next to his quarters. It was a small bomb thank heavens but he now no longer had a south wall and a lot of things in his quarters were charred and burnt. It was too bad the guy had been fatally shot. Snake Eyes would have absolutely loved to interrogate him just to level the playing for his room.

If he could he would have let loose a low growl as he continued to stare at the demolished wall. He then let loose a sigh and began gathering his things into the boxes he had pilfered off of a few of his teammates. There were spare rooms and he could move into one until this one was fixed.

A slight rustle at the doorway alerted him to the presence of Duke and Scarlet. He turned and stared at them while placing a box of his shurikens into the large cardboard box. He had not been expecting anyone else to show up. Sure help would have been appreciated but people had other things to do around the base other than help him move rooms. He tilted his head to the side in question as they stepped over some of the debris blocking the remains of the doorway.

"Doc wants to see you." Duke told him.

"_Why?"_ Snake Eyes signed as he stood.

"You were in the room when the bomb went off Snakes. Of course he's gonna want to see you."

"We'll take over until you get back and if you want we can keep helping out after you get back." Scarlet added, her face cheerful.

He sighed tiredly before complying, stepping over the debris, and heading down towards the infirmary. The two watched his deflated form wander down the hallways and turn out of sight.

"Poor guy. This has been a really crummy day for him." Duke sighed.

The two turned and began sorting the salvageable things from the totally trashed things. Once this was done they would place the salvageable things in different boxes and take them to another room that had been opened for him. Snake Eyes didn't have much compared to everyone else and it would only take a few boxes to move the things seeing as how there was a rather large pile of burnt junk.

"Hey check this out!" Scarlet suddenly said.

He turned from his spot, digging underneath the bed, and stood to see whatever it was she found. He looked over to see her holding a piece of paper, it was heavily creased, a sign that it had been unfolded and folded many times. It was in perfect condition, few things in the room were due to the ash that had been scattered around the room.

"What is it?" He asked as he came closer.

"It's a list. A really funny list. I know I shouldn't be laughing but I can't help it." She said as she broke out into giggles.

He took it from her as she began to laugh hysterically and read it for himself. The first thing was a little note at the top, in Snake's unique spidery handwriting, apparently explaining the list.

_I was about nine when a thought hit me one day. What if I wrote down all of the stupid things I have done in my lifetime so I wouldn't have to re-learn them through experience and thus I have compiled this list._

_Thing's I've learned the hard way._

_**1.** When one of your friends dashed by you at full speed and tells you to run. You run!_

_**2.** No matter how desperate you are, no roof-hopping when untrained._

_**3.** Be fast when stealing bread from the market._

_**4.** Electric fences hurt!_

_**5.** Make friends out of your enemies because nine times out of ten it's more fun._

_**6.** Don't get caught stealing from a ninja clan's kitchen._

_**7.** Work as hard as you can_

_**8**. Success is just around the corner_

_**9.** It's a good idea to jump out of a crashing plane, helicopter, jet, etc., etc._

_**10**. When any part of you is on fire it's a good idea to put it out._

_**11**. Nunchucks hurt!_

_**12**. Katana are sharper than they look_

_**13.** If you like a girl go for it and don't make a fool of yourself_

_**14.** Make sure everyone else is in bed **before **making out with said girl_

_**15**. Don't annoy Tunnel Rat he has paint bombs_

_**16. **It would be a good idea to alert said bomb defuser to your presence when he's working._

_**17. **Make sure no one's in the gym **before **taking your shirt off._

_**18. **Do not ask breaker what he's doing because he **will** tell you._

_**19. **No matter how much armour you have on it still hurts when someone kicks you in that special place_

_**20. **Keep a close eyes on all things pointy_

_**21. **Don't chug a BFC Monster. Yes, I know you can, but just don't_

_**22. Never, ever **offer to give breaker a hand _

_**23. **Absolutely no car chases in Paris (Anymore)_

_**24. **It hurts when you fall off of a car_

_**25. **If you want something fight for it_

_**26. **Ugh! Spelling_

The list went on a little bit further than that but as Duke read the list he found himself laughing and reading them aloud. He couldn't help it. Oh the things this ninja had done in his lifetime. The guy actually did have a sense of humor. But as the list was finished a thought sprung into Duke's mind as he reached into his pocket for a black pen.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_That was ridiculously long." _Snake Eyes thought to himself as he walked back down to his demolished room.

But when he got there he found the place totally empty and cleared out. He suddenly felt very guilty even though it wasn't his fault the appointment had taken so long. It was his job to clear out his room not someone else's and he had stuck them with it. He sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time since the attack this morning and began moving towards his new room.

He walked through the nicely polished door and nearly ran into both Duke and Scarlet who bid him a rather hasty goodbye before squeezing past him and hurrying down the hallway. He followed the pair with a puzzled gaze before turning back around and entering his new room.

He entered and almost immediately went and began unpacking the boxes but as he opened the first one a piece of paper sitting on the bed caught his eye and piqued his curiosity. He stood and went over to the unmade bed where the note sat atop his folded new sheets, beside a pillow. He unfolded the paper and turned it right-side up. When he realized what it was a slight panic filled his gut but what annoyed him even more was the item added to the list. He ground his teeth together as he read it.

_**27. **Don't get caught in the room next to the bomb_

It certainly wasn't his handwriting in fact he recognized it as Duke's. The man's handwriting was barely legible it annoyed Snake Eyes very much in fact. He sighed defeatedly and traced over Duke's sloppy handwriting but before he refolded it he paused and added one more.

_**28. **Don't leave this list out in the open._

With that settled he began unpacking and setting up his new room. He had the feeling he would be here for a while.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**There we go. I don't actually know if this one was better than the last but what the hey. I liked it! Did you? That's really all that matters. Don't worry though there are many more to come. Review please. Thanks for reading.**


	3. Paddle Ball Master

**Okay this is just so much fun! I have endless possibilities for this. Vote for the next one do you like Ninja Road Rage, # 21, or Slideshow Chaos? Pick whichever sounds the most interesting and put it in your review! Hope you enjoy this one as much as you enjoy the others. Review for me please!**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Disclaimer: Don't own the G I Joes but they are cool aren't they.

Paddle Ball Master

"What the heck is wrong with him today?" Duke whispered as Snake Eyes stalked angrily from the room.

So far today Snake Eyes had been amazingly grumpy. Anyone who got on his nerves today had better run. So far six people had visited the infirmary today with ninja induced unconsciousness.....or they were awake and screaming. He hadn't killed anyone yet thank heavens but with the way he was going.....well.....we won't go there.

"Ripcord's been tormenting him a lot." Scarlet answered.

"With what? He's still alive? He must run pretty fast."

"Yes actually he does. He can, and I quote, "Run like a scared rabbit"."

Duke sighed tiredly. You would think that Ripcord would have learned, since the last incident, to leave Snake Eyes out of his mischief. Last time he had been in the infirmary for three days and still twitching for five more. What was he doing now?

Last time he had pulled the classic water bucket over the door frame, but the bucket was filled with water about the same temperature as the ocean near Antarctica and, unfortunately, Snake Eyes had been outside in the hundred plus degree weather, over-working himself. I had caught him and ordered him to his quarters for some rest or else I would go and get Doc so he could threaten Snake Eyes into submission. Well he was pretty close to a heat stroke and pretty tired so after ordering him about seven times, instead of the usual twenty, he agreed and walked back inside. He opened the door, he was very tired and thus did not see or expect the bucket of ice water. It fell, soaked him, and Snakes went into shock from how cold it was. He was forced to stay in the infirmary for the rest of the day. Needless to say he was not a happy ninja when he got out and Ripcord payed the price. But not without managing to coat Snake Eyes from head to foot in pink paint.

Ripcord had payed for that too and for three days the ninja was not seen due to him washing and scraping all of the pink paint from his uniform and armour.

The rest of us had, secretively, had a good long laugh on that one. After all it's not ofter you see the resident ninja walk by in lovely rosy shade of bright pink. I swear that man is Gothic or something, you could almost see the steam rising from his head as he walked past. It was pretty funny.

Then there was the time he placed a special glue on Snake Eyes throwing stars that only dried when it was heated. The stuff was about as strong as super glue and when Snakes was training he had launched one of his shruiken at his target only to find that it was stuck rather firmly to his fingers.

That was funny too.

We were all in the gym when that happened. He was doing his usual training junk, you know leaping off the walls, triple back flips, very fancy and impossible stuff. When suddenly he just stops and stares at his hand tilting his head to the side. The rest of us watch as he flicked his hand trying to get something off and when he couldn't huffed angrily. We looked closer to see one of his finely polished shruiken in his hand. He attempted to pry his fingers away from it and that was about the time we realized that it was glued there firmly.

Ripcord probably would have gotten away with that one if he hadn't burst out laughing and said it was a stroke of genius and could't wait to see how it would work out. Snake Eyes had walked to him and stood over the hysterical man with murder written clearly in his body language. The rest is inappropriate for me repeat. It ended with Hawk having to intervene and more ninja induced unconsciousness.

"What is he doing now?" I sighed.

"Well let's just say that he found out that Snake has not yet mastered everything."

"What?"

At that moment Ripcord walked over to Snake Eyes playing with two paddle ball paddles, one in each hand. The repetitive thunk, thunk, thunk causing Snake Eyes to glance up from his meditation and stiffen.

"Hey Snakes look, two hands!!!" He shouted.

There were a few tense seconds before Ripcord turned and ran, narrowly dodging a chair flung at him courtesy of a ticked off ninja.

I shook my head and groaned. Would those two ever get along? I was getting tired of having to clam Snake Eyes down and haul Rip to the infirmary twice a month.

The rest of the day consisted of Ripcord barely avoiding a severe pummeling from Snake Eyes who was inching steadily closer to becoming a psychopath. There were a few moments in the day when I debated whether it would be a good idea to call Doc to put Snakes in restraints until this thing blew over. He was starting to twitch. Ripcord must have a death wish or something.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was the end of the day and if this this thing wasn't over by tomorrow I was getting Snakes in restraints, medication, and therapy while I had a long talk with Ripcord about our resident ninja and laid down some new rules from him.

Said annoyance was currently sitting next to me, still going at it with the paddle ball but now only had one due to Snakes breaking one in half. The steady thunking was beginning to grate on my nerves as well.

"I think I just made a new record." He grinned at me.

"Rip you have to stop this." I told him with a sigh.

"Why? This is ridiculously fun."

"Because Snake Eyes is this close to killing you and losing his sanity forever." I responded gesturing with my fingers.

"But I finally found something I'm better at than him!"

"Ripcord please I'm not in the mood for any more of you're pranks is that under-" I stopped as I realized that the steady thunking had ceased.

As Ripcord noticed this he turned and held up his paddle with a confused expression on his face. The elastic string hung without its little rubber ball.

I heard a noise behind and we both turned to see Snake Eyes leaning against the wall smugly, twirling a pair of kitchen scissors on his fingers and holding the red rubber ball between his fingers and a tiny bit of string dangling from it.

"Oh that's just cheating." Ripcord blurted out. "This was my last one man!"

Snake Eyes simply nodded and walked off.

Oh yeah those two would just fine. That is until Ripcord thought of some other way to torture Snake Eyes.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Hope you guys like this. Is it good? Which one's your favorite so far? Anyway choose from the titles at the top and leave me a review. It will be based off of the majority vote so please do your share. Thank you. chow!**


	4. NOTICE!

Hey guys. Oh my god I am sooooooo sorry for not updating in FOREVER! To be honest I am not sure when I will update again. I have everything planned out and I DO write but when I try everything comes out as crap and I certainly don't want to put anything bad up here. Not that the writing is all that good to begin with but hey it's fanfiction! I AM trying and I am so sorry. Most of my writing now is in articles and nonfiction and the book series that I NEED to get finished. For those of you who are reading The Legend of the Sister Cities, I am taking that one down. I'm sorry but I just got my monster from The Shadows Live snatched and put on a TV. show so I'm paranoid and I plan on making that into a book that connects with the afore mentioned book series.

Once again I am so sorry! I will be adding things to some stories like: The Outsider, and probably rewriting some others.

I'm going to keep trying. I'm not giving up on you guys! I swear it! This is not the end! (Dramatic sword raise or something...)


End file.
